Upsetting me is quite a difficult thing to do. It requires a lot of stress, lack of control and tribulation to cause me to become so frazzled that I cry.
Yesterday...last night... I cried.
My 22nd birthday is this coming Wednesday. On that day, it will be exactly one month until I graduate from Texas A&M University. With full sincerity, the notion that in only a few weeks I will be walking across that stage to receive my diploma is absolutely terrifying. Don't misunderstand me, I WANT to graduate. I want to be a part of the "real world," so to speak. I want to start this internship with the magazine, and I want to start making more than five cents a word or minimum wage. It is all about the time between now and then that makes me so nervous that I have to cry.
Let me lay out the whole situation for you.
This semester, I have deemed myself fully capable to take on 18 hours of classes. I am taking one 100-level course, three 300-level courses and two 400-level courses. All in all, that adds up to six classes. To say the least, I have been stretched thin to the point that I worry about becoming a serial killer.
Things are piling on top of other things, and I just cannot seem to grab onto my own schedule and control it. I have to move things around constantly, and the search for work and another internship is just another little slice of stress pie that I have to deal with.
I am not unhappy. I am stressed.
Really, I wonder if I know how to deal with stress in an effective way. Quite frankly, I don't think I do. When I get stressed, I eat. I try to sleep more to compensate for all of the time I spend worrying or just...thinking.
That is another thing. When I become stressed to the point that it affects my attitude every day, I think a lot. I think about what I can do to make the situation better. I think about how I got myself into whatever situation I happen to be coping with. I think about who I can talk to to get help with said situation. I think about more than all that.
My mind is rarely a quiet place to be. But when I am stressed, the sound in my head is something akin to standing behind a jet engine with an earhorn, so the noise is louder than usual. Amplify the engine a few times, and you have what goes on in my noggin.
Anyway, it really goes without saying that I have a lot happening in my life right now. I just need to sort through some things, take a break to breathe and then go at it like I am racing through an obstacle course. It's a damn good thing I tend to work best when I am under pressure.
(A note to readers: This post was meant to be published on Friday, but I forgot. Oops.)
